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Title: Hair Despair

Fandom: Hikaru no Go

Genre: Humour 

Characters: Shindou Hikaru, Touya Akira

Wordcount: 861 words 

Summary: Touya's hair is getting way too stupidly long. 
 

Hair Despair

"Farewell, Shindou," said Touya, turning on his heel haughtily and making his hair go whooooosh as it swung past Hikaru's face, as usual.

Or was it as usual? Hikaru frowned. Something was not quite right. Usually Touya's hair just went whoosh, not whooooosh. Hikaru would know, considering how often he was subjected to this particular type of hair treatment (and not that other kind of hair treatment, which involved bleach).

The extra ooosh in the whooooosh could only mean one thing.

Touya needed a haircut.

"Touya," said Hikaru, "you need a haircut."

"What?" said Touya, who hated to be interrupted mid-swing. He didn't practice his haughty turns every day in a mirror so he could be interrupted. "Did you say something?"

"I was talking about your stupid hair," Hikaru murmured, seeing that which he'd been unable to see before. Probably because Touya had been in Korea all last month. "Yes, your hair is definitely too long. It's way past your shoulders."

Touya gave a haughty, but pretty glare, so Hikaru forgave him. "I'm growing it out."

Hikaru's eyebrows shot up, totally shocked--or as shocked as eyebrows could be, without the benefit of electrocution. How could this be? Touya had had a dorky pageboy since forever! Heck, he probably came out of his mother's body with a dorky pageboy. Touya wouldn't be Touya without a dorky pageboy, just like Hikaru wouldn't be Hikaru if he didn't pour corrosive chemicals on his bangs every month.

"Is this Ko Yeongha's fault?" Hikaru demanded to know. "Did he convince you to form a long-haired pretty-boy boyband with him?"

"Of course not," said Touya, now looking insulted, though it wasn't much different from how he'd previously looked. "I decided to grow it out myself," he insisted, insistently tossing a strand of (too-long) hair over his shoulder, "after Ko-San told me it would be easier to manage," he added in addendum.

"Did he now." Hikaru grimaced grimly. This was all an evil plot, he was sure of it. And the evil plot was totally working. "I bet it's all an evil plot, and it's totally working. Why would long hair be less work?"

"He said I wouldn't have to cut it as often. I am too busy to get haircuts."

"You've been busy all your life. It's never stopped you before."

"But now my father isn't around."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"He can't cut my hair anymore."

That gave Hikaru pause. A very long pause. He thought he was an open-minded person, and he was totally open to the idea of men cutting hair--just not that man. Blurry, horrifying images of Touya Kouyo brandishing shears in one hand and a blowdryer in the other began to filter smokily into Hikaru's brain. The smoke was from the blow dryer, which apparently had a steamer function. Hikaru had way too much imagination.

You have grown much, my son.

Yes, father.

At least three centimetres.

Yes, father, said Touya as the bowl descended on his head.

Maybe Touya Kouyo cut Ochi's hair too. It would explain a lot.

Shuddering, Hikaru shook the images out of his brain and blurted out, "Are you sure you meant to say 'father' and not, I don't know, 'hairdresser'?"

"Of course." Touya gave Hikaru a curious look. "You know my father is usually overseas nowadays."

"Of course. With your mom. You sure it's not her who cuts your hair? She seems to have very nice hair."

"Well, she goes to a salon."

"Of course." Hikaru desperately wished he would stop saying that. He shook his head again. "Maybe you should go to her salon."

Touya tilted his head to the side, making his already-long hair look even longer as it slid down his shoulder. "No, it's too hard to get an appointment at that place. I'll just ask my father to trim it whenever he's back."

"Of course."

At this point Hikaru had run out of things to say and Touya was looking pointedly at his watch, the bastard. It was a really expensive watch. The bastard. "Well, if this scintillating conversation is over," the bastard said, "I need to go."

"Thank goodness."

Touya's eyes flashed with irritation as he spun on his heel to quit this benighted place.

Whooooooooooosh went his hair.

"No, wait, don't go. I'll...let me cut your hair!"

Touya stopped. He spun back around. He stalked up to Hikaru and got right in his face.

"If you think I am letting you get anywhere near my head with sharp objects, with the intention of cutting, you are even more out of your mind than otherwise indicated by previous insane episodes you've displayed in the past. Which were considerable."

"Hi," said Shindou, awkwardly, because Touya was right in his face.

"Bye," said Touya.

Whooooooooooosh.

...And that is the story of how Shindou Hikaru ended up murdering Ko Yeongha with a pair of sharp scissors, a bowl, and a hair dryer with a steaming function. 

- End -


Author's note: I am going to stop counting how many Hikago hair fics I've written now.




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